Last Night's Concert (I didn't go to): Bon Iver

A post in three parts.

Music I am and I am not listening to

The Bon Iver concert is sold out, because they're opening for a stinky, yet popular band Black Mountain. There is no genre of music I hate more than crappy, hippie music. Wait, what did you say? How dare you accuse me of owning "Phish: A Live One"! Give me a break; that was high school.

Here's some Black Mountain.


Let's throw on a good song to erase our memories:



E has proven to be an awesome new music researcher. He introduced me to Beirut. Lovin' it! (to be spoken in the style of In Living Color's "Men on Film").

I could go to the Akrobatik concert tonight, but I'm way too busy (I've also seen him before). I have an assignment due Tuesday, I'll be home late Monday, and then there's the "Bostonians for Nader" campaign I need to launch.

Just kidding, folks.

Ralph Nader

I was mildly obsessed with Nader in 2000. I used to watch him for hours on CSPAN2. I voted for him, but this was in PA (Gore won the state), so don't start hating. For reasons I can't recall, E voted for Nader in 2004. Certainly, Kerry was less than inspiring, but he needed all the help he could get. E put a bumper sticker on our car that read, "Don't blame me. I voted for Nader." This sticker was awesome, because it was printed in 1992, totally ironic in 2000 and completely irrelevant in 2004.

I attended two Nader rallies in 2000: one in Boston (my first trip to Boston!) and one at Madison Square Garden. The Boston rally had Howard Zinn. The NYC rally had Phil Donahue, Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins (as Bob Roberts), Eddie Veddar, Ben Harper*, Ani DiFranco and Patti Smith. Also, we sat behind Gaby Hoffman and Julia Stiles, saw Thom Yorke from a far distance, and passed Ad-Rock, wife and kids with our car.

I want to hang out with celebrities

Speaking of Gaby Hoffman, sometimes when my head wanders off into that weird fantasy world, I like to think about what clique of actor celebrities I should be friends with. Here are some options:

#1: Gaby Hoffman--Christina Ricci--Adam Goldberg--Beck--Marisa Ribisi--Giovanni Ribisi

#2: Laura Prepon--Chris Masterson--Danny Masterson--Bijou Philips--the entire "That 70s Show" cast, which probably connects you to Ashton Kutcher--Demi Moore--Bruce Willis

#3: Lukas Haas--Leonardo DiCaprio--whatever supermodel DiCaprio is dating--Tobey Maguire

#4: Casey Affleck--Summer Phoenix--Joaquin Phoenix--Liv Tyler (formerly part of the group), which then connects you to Ben Affleck--Jennifer Garner--Matt Damon--Matt Damon's hot waitress wife

#5: Ryan Philippe--Breckin Meyer--Seth Green, which I vaguely recall (but the IMDB won't confirm) connects you to Ethan Embry--Jeremy Sisto

#1 has a lot of promise, because Giovanni and Christina Ricci! But I find Beck to be a bit tiresome. And Scientology's a deal breaker. Scientology also cancels #2 (also: major tool factor).

#3 is way too intimidating, and the scary drug factor is through the roof.

So I'm stuck between #4 and #5. I love all things River Phoenix, including his crazy family. And like any good Bostononian, I have a healthy love/hate relationship with the Afflecks and Damons. But due to their collective beauty, celebrity and substance abuse, this group is also very intimidating.

Thus, I choose #5. First of all, Buffy. Second, "Robot Chicken" and all things Adult Swim. Third, years ago, I saw one of them (Embry?) on Letterman, where he showed pictures of two of them crying with laughter while watching "3000 Miles to Graceland". It was the cutest, funniest story and no one, not even Dave, found it entertaining. But I laughed, so I think Embry + crew + me = good times.

The only way to redeem this stupid** post is to conclude with a chart.

	Ribisis & Crew	That 70’s Show & Crew	DiCaprio & Crew	Afflecks & Crew	Seth Green & Crew
Collective beauty	4	3	4	5	4
Assumed compatibility	5	2	2	5	5
Nostalgia / connection with their work	4	1	2	5	4
Scary substance abuse	0	0	-4	-4	0
Scientology	-4	-4	0	0	0
Tool factor	-1	-5	-3	0	0
Intimidation factor	-1	0	-3	-3	0
TOTAL	7	-3	-2	8	13

* Ugh, also add Ben Harper to the category of hippie music I used to love and can't stomach now.

**I'm feeling a little self-deprecating today, because: i) I'm missing the Bon Iver concert; ii) I'm lazy and don't want to do schoolwork; and iii) this post stinks.